Hello my wonderful readers,
I have began to write this piece about 20 times at least now and everytime I don’t know what to say! Me? Having no words? I guess I didn’t know how to put the words together how I was feeling because I maybe I felt ashamed? It is no secret that I have struggled on my weightloss journey since Christmas, I have had my losses and gains but I wasn’t moving in the direction I wanted I was finding myself maintaining the weight I was basically before Christmas. I wanted desperately to see a new stone bracket and get away from the 14s!! I was also struggling big time with the reality of loose skin, yes the dreaded loose skin. All of these factors were taking a tole on me both mentally and physically.
Little did I realise but I was in self distruct mode, self sabotage. How easy is it to kid yourself into having an extra bread or fibre allowence or picking at food that isn’t in your daily meal plan? Picking at your kids food? Having more of your daily dairy allowence? Kidding yourself thats its ok to binge after weigh in day? This was me for months. Half assing it, telling myself its ok?
I have recently been to the Algarve on holiday with my whole family. It was the most AMAZING holiday EVER!! Not because of the country or the sun and beautiful cocktails (they help too) but because for the 1st time since we started holidaying there 10 years ago that I felt like me, the girl I have always wanted to be, the girl that has tried to jump out of that fat suit all her life. The girl that didn’t stick out walking down the strip or have to stop ten times walking up the mountainous number of steps from the beach. I was me for the 1st time in my life and I loved it. Walking through the airport I strided down to the gate with ease, my seat belt slipped on and clicked into place with no need for an extension or anxiety. Most of all I sat back and completely relaxed, I had a good talking to myself and began to analyse the past few months.
My conclusion that I came to was that I am a very very happy person right now and I am enjoying being me and my loose skin well I love it, how could I hate it because it is my war wound and to be honest I would rather it be a physical than a mental wound. I have come to accept and overcome my deamons and now I can move on. I am now so excited to move into the new phase of my journey whatever it may be. If I didn’t love this big ol’ rollercoaster well would I be writing this? I doubt very much, I would most likely be drinking some shake or trying another fad diet to try drop a few pounds. It doesn’t matter what diet plan you follow, the only thing that matters is that you WANT to eat like this, you have to want it as much as you want to breath and you have to accept that this is for life. Im not an expert, I am simply another person doing their best to turn the negitive into a positive. You and only you can do this!
So here is to the next phase, the next chapter and thank you all so much for continually supporting me you will never know what it means xx